As any of us broadcasting legends knows, the twin DJ disciplines of talking shite and pressing buttons (sometimes at the same time ) can be a draining experience. I mean you know I just give and I give. I guess I’m just one of life’s givers.
However , there has to be a limit to my even my  boundless generosity to you the listener and so I’ve decided to take three weeks off to go to the country and you know , get my head together, man.
But how to replace “When Big Joan Sets Up” the programe that has for years now delighted up to four listeners with the popular hip shaking tunes by the nice young people with the funny hair?
Rejected ideas included:
“Who The Bloody Hell Are You?” –  Popular disc jockey and legend Phil “The Giver” Cope traces his family tree back to the 1700’s and uncovers exciting tales of piracy on the high seas , bravery on the fields of Ypres, and sheep rustling.
Uncle Phil Gargles The Great American Songbook
A three- part drama for radio entitled “Jack’s Adventures in the Public Lavatories of Newton Le Willows”
Albert Freeman’s History of Parsnips (abridged version)
The Wit and Wisdom of Dave Lee Travis (rejected for being 59 minutes and 47 seconds too short for broadcast)
The BBC Radio Leeds Story – The inspiring story of how a disparate band of individuals united only by a hatred of entertainment, managed against the odds, to create a radio station using only moronic phone in’s, travel updates and Leo Sayer records and realise their dream of portaying West Yorkshire as a land fit only for tone deaf dullards and Alan Titchmarsh
‘Outside Now” – a live debate on the pressing questions of the day – including episodes entiled “Should it Really Be That Shape?” “Has anyone actually seen Katie Price and Colonel Gadaffi together at the same time? - Is there something we should be told?” and “Internment Camps for anyone found in possesion of a book by Jereemy Clarkson – Discuss”
Sadly, these ideas were all reluctantly discarded in the interest of work avoidance and instead over the next three weeks we’ll be plunging into the dark and terrifying recesses of my record collection.
Hey, you’re welcome.
S.E. Rogie – “Twist With The Morningstars” (LP – “Palm Wine Guitar Music: The 60’s Sound Of S.E.Rogie”) (Cooking Vinyl)
The  Big Ben Accordion Band – “Blue Suede Shoes/Rock Island Line/Why Do Fools Fall In Love?” (EP – “Rock N’ Roll No.1)
Mark E.Smith reads the Football Results on BBC “Final Score”
Henry Thomas – “Old Country Stomp” (LP – “Complete Recorded Works 1927-1929”) (Arhoolie)
Jack Hodges The Rasperry King – “Everything Is Fresh Today” (v/a LP – ‘Songs The Bonzos Taught Us”) (Voiceprint)
The Bonzo Dog Band – “Sofa Head” (Top Gear Session 29th July 1969) (download)
The Spithead Royal Naval Review of 1937 Commentator: Lieutenant-Commander Thomas Woodrooffe
The City Of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Carl Davis – “Theme from Modern Times” (LP – “Charlie Chaplin – The Essential Film Music Collection”) (Silva Screen)
Charlie Chaplin – “Tell Me If Me Wrong: (LP – “DJ Roll Call”) (Ras)
Charlie Williams – “That’s What I Shoulda Said” (7″) (Columbia)
The Big Three – “What’d I Say” (EP – ‘The Big Three Live At The Cavern) (Decca)
Jimmy Saville – “Very Unlikely” (7″) (Decca)
BBC Radio 4 Newsreader Charlotte Green gets a fit of the giggles whilst reading the obituary of screenwriter Abby Mann on the Today Programme
George Formby – “Why Don’t Women Like Me?” (LP – “Greatest Hits”) (Burning Fire)
Eric Webber – ‘The Dog Walker” (LP – “Picking Up Girls Made Easy”) (http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/365-days-307—.html)
The Portsmouth Sinfonia – “William Tell Overture” (LP – ‘The Portsmouth Sinfonia Plays The Popular Classics”) (Columbia)
Ray Sharpe – Linda Lu (7″) (Jamie Golden Hits)
A selection of Ice Cream Vans From http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/06/ice_cream_truck.html
Ray Noble with Al Bowly – “Goodnight Sweetheart” – (LP – “Vocalion Nostalgia Highlights”) (Vocalion)