The Greatest Record Ever Made - although er.. it's not a record

“Brevity is the soul of  wit” said Uncle Bill’s Polonius  in “Hamlet”  his famous tale of  cigar manufacturing in the Kingdom of Denmark .

Little did he know it in 1602 but he was summing up the appeal of  “25 Great Rock N Roll Hits” by Beaverbag , an ensemble of whom I know nothing other than their name refers to a disgusting sexual act, apparently.

This download LP contains 25 cover versions of what people who own purple satin bomber jackets with “Elton Across America ’76″  emblazoned across the back  refer to as “Classic Rock”. These are rendered in bursts of betwwen 7 and 10 seconds in bowel shaking grunts with little regard to the orginals and by this token, massively improve upon them.

I mean , who really wants to devote 8 plus minutes of their lives to listening to Ray Manzarek’s interminable tinking on The Doors’ “Riders On The Storm” when the ‘Bag (as I have elected to call them)  get the whole thing over in seconds thus leaving valuble time for more noble pursuits such as eating fig rolls , watching “Celebrity Juice” and scratching?

Similarly, priapic Percy Plant’s waffling on about bussles and hedgerows is condensed into a swift “UUUUUURRGH” on “Stairway to Heaven” and we are spared entirely Jimmy Page cocking about with his stupid double headed guitar.

Result! Right?

Four tracks from this masterpiece were included in this week’s programme alongside four live tunes from Portland Oregon’s Decemberists.  The Beaverbag album can be downloaded here: http://www.mediafire.com/?3dfckzglz36kkyp

Ty Segal – “Woodland Rock” (EP – “Ty Rex”) (Goner)
Buck Owens – “Close Up The Honky Tonks (Early Version)” (7″) (Omnivore)
Jumptrackz – “Need Game” (Download EP – “Superheroes”) (Jumpnation)
Beaverbag – “Stairway To Heaven” (Download LP – “25 Great Rock N Roll Hits”) (Self Released)
Topless Mongos – “Hey My My” (7″) (Mammoth Cave Recording Co.)
Holtzkopf – “Gone” (LP – “Sober Materials #2″) (Self Released)
Morrissey – “Everyday Is Like Sunday” (LP – “The Very Best Of Morrissey”) (EMI)
Beaverbag – ” A Horse With No Name” (Download LP – “25 Great Rock N Roll Hits”) (Self Released)
Grouper – “Atone” (LP – AIA: Dream Loss) (Yellowelectric)
Daddy Freddy – “Jah Love” (7″) (Soul Love)
The Decemberists – “Down By The Water” (EP – “Live at Bullmoose”) (Rough Trade)
The Decemberists – “June Hymn” (EP – “Live at Bullmoose”) (Rough Trade)
The Decemberists – “All Arise” (EP – “Live at Bullmoose”) (Rough Trade)
The Decemberists – “If  I Could Only Win Your Love” (EP – “Live at Bullmoose”) (Rough Trade)
Lake Radio – “Never” (EP – “Delta”) (http://lakeradio.bandcamp.com/)
Beaverbag – ” Autobahn” (Download LP – “25 Great Rock N Roll Hits”) (Self Released)
Cosmonauts – “Neon Kids” (LP – “Cosmonauts”) (Permanent)
People Like Us – “Happy Lost Songs” (LP – “Welcome Abroad”) (Illegal Art)
Beaverbag – “ Back In Black” (download LP – “25 Great Rock N Roll Hits”) (Self Released)
Gumbo Ya Ya and DPF – “Balaclava Man (Hero No.7 Remix) (7”) (Hero)